My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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