why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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