was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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