saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
