just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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