Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize