i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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