Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
