i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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