the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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