party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
