i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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