you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
