i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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