Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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