Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
