Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
