I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
