the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
