I just pynch a tree in the face
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
