and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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