Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm both gender and math confused
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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