its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
