idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
