Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
