weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
