don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
