We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
