puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My feet surprised me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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