I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
