I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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