To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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