The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
