In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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