he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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