he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize