Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
