wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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