Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
