Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize