i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
