I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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