Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
