listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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