The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
