You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
