And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
