you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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