I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
