fuck your aforementioned shoe
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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