You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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