Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
