I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
