Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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