I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
