Your dad touched me again.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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