I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
