no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
