from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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