You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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