Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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