i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
