i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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