She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
