Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize