I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The feeling are messing with the penis
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
