is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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