Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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